Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Mickey, No!

Cartoon characters are actively trying to destroy society as we know it:

As an expatriate Detroiter, I sometimes like to check in on the local newspaper websites to see how things are going in my home town. This particular article is not Detroit specific – it’s from the AP out of New York but it was on the free press website and I thought it was worth a quick read.

So there it is: the answer to all of our obesity problems. Finally, an end to the advertising tyranny of Shrek-colored pastries and Tony the Tiger is in sight. The children will no longer be force-fed deep fried starches by wicked clowns. I always suspected in the back of my mind that Count Chocula was probably up to something sinister and creepy-perverted. I mean, just look at the guy.

Come on. Look at the hair. That's a perv if I've ever seen one.

What kind of sad no-responsibility-taking world do we live in where we blame cartoon characters for the “chronic fatness” of our nation’s children? First of all, if you’re dumb enough to take nutritional advice from a two-dimensional moving drawing, there’s nothing anyone can do to save you from a lifetime of watching television in a pile of your own filth. Second, who are these parents that let their children make any type of decision in their household? Of course your kids are going to want the box with the colorful mouse. Your kids would probably stick a penny into an electrical socket if you gave them a chance too. I used to get “no” all the time from my parents. Apparently, “no” has since gone out of style.

“But advertising is forcing their evil will upon the impressionable minds of our children. How can we compete with corporations who are deliberately researching the best methods of brainwashing us into buying things that we don’t actually need?”

Well, maybe we should be teaching our children to think for themselves and to be wary of the big poofy cartoon character. Just a suggestion.

(By the way, speaking of the article, thank God the large greedy corporations are finally looking out for our nutritional good. I personally can’t wait for the development of the whole-grain Twinkie.)

On a lighter but related note, I remember hearing about this fuzzy little story - about a cartoon character with a mission and who also bears a certain resemblance to a well known public figure - a couple of months ago:

Not only does Hamas refuse to acknowledge Israel; apparently they refuse to acknowledge copyright law too.


Seoulcially Akward Nessie said...

It's a sad, sick little world we live in. Enjoying your viewpoint. I don't remember eating any cereals that had cartoon characters since we always got the boring stuff. No Captain Crunch, no Tony the Tiger...

-Mom (we can't remember mom's username and password...)

Crump said...