Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Presidential Solution #1

August 28th, 2007
My fellow Americans,

In light of the recent spat of resignations plaguing the current President's administration, and given my quest to learn as much as I can from previous administrations' mistakes (and there have been a lot of them throughout the short 231 year life of the country), I hereby make the following promise for my administration, should you chose to elect me President of the United States of America in 2040:

If I am elected, all cabinet posts, positions within the Executive Branch and support staff shall be limited to a term of 3 months maximum. After the 3 months stint is over the various positions will be swapped out for other "trusted advisors" (campaign donors, hint hint) These constrictions will not apply to myself nor to the future Vice President of the United States who, provided his personal checks clear, will be Greg Wendling. You may or may not know Greg now but, believe me, after the great "pie" scandall of 2037 his will be a house-hold name.

The benefits of the 3 month system are three fold:

  1. The public will not have to deal with any given self-serving crooked moron ruining their various portions of the US Goverment for any longer than 3 months at a time.

  2. The self-serving crooked employees within the Executive Branch will be able to ruin their various portions of the US Government and then skip out of any responsibility before Congress even knows something is wrong (they're notoriously slow on noticing that kind of stuff).

  3. I will be able to shirk responsibility for the entirety of my sixteen years, claiming that the system makes it impossible for me to hold accountable/be held accountable for the actions of transient politicians, thereby allowing me to continue to take long and expensive vacations to various luxury spots throughout the world.

See? Look at that! Am I a problem solver or what? I'd like to see a Yale grad come up with an answer like that. I'll bet you can't wait to see what I'll come up with for Immigration, or the Economy, or the great Alien invasion of 2034! Vote Nat Topping, SEXY.

God bless America.

And by America, I mean limited responsibility.


GW said...

Mr. Future President, it's your future VP here. 2 questions...

1) Can you wait like 9 more days to deposit the checks? I recently paid about $570 in parking tickets to get the boot taken off of my car, so I'm waiting on payday till I'm good again.

2) For the pie scandal, I wanted to discuss this in person, but given the number I'll need, I can't wait... I'm thinking peach or shoofly is the way to go with this. What do you think?

Unknown said...

Mr. Potential VP, in answer to your questions:
1) I can wait, but on the 10th day I'm cashing it. Something we might discuss is abolishing car boots in favor of car booties, which should be cheaper to remove.
2) I think this is best discussed in person. We'll plan a "summit" in Las Vegas somewhere around 2035-36 to go over the details. Gut reaction says shoofly, but I want some time to think it over.

GW said...

Good on ya, Mr. Topping. 2035-36 it is. In the meantime, I will invest in molasses.

Crump said...