Superbad, or The Three Reasons to Say 'I Love You'

Ah sweet adolescence! I recall a time back in the more eventful days of my youth when I too was bounding from party to party, brandishing my fake ID at liquor stores across the state, saving parties with entire cases filled to the brim with bottles of Mike's Hard Lemonade and citrus flavored vodkas. And as my reward for saving these illicit high school parties with the delivery of alcohol, I was showered with numerous sexual acts provided to me by freakishly attractive and obscenely drunk high school females. Yes yes, those were the glory days. And I have the movie Superbad to thank for this trip down memory lane.

Hell, who am I kidding? I couldn't even relate to the nerds in this story. Same thing with the American Pie movies. I spent most of my high school party time in traffic between school and home. But they don't make movies about teenagers sitting at home watching Comedy Central and willing their acne to disappear. I guess that's what I get for going to an all-male Catholic nerdery. But at least me and the Lord are TIGHT! Jesus and me are like this, holmes.

*You can't see it, but I'm crossing two fingers. I'm also sighing and shaking my head in embarrassment of my own self.*

Luckily, they make movies and TV shows for just such occasions: to spice up the otherwise boring existence of people like myself. As far as that's concerned, Superbad does a very good job of diverting attention. It was a very coarse, perverted, puerile, base and disgusting movie. So I, of course, loved it. It was fun, imaginative and very well acted. It has Michael Cera in it, as well, from Arrested Development. The kid has great comic timing. And, for the most part, the movie was very well written.

The only thing that kind of bumped me was the amount of gratuitous cursing. This is only a minor concern - the movie is still very much worth seeing - but I'm going to use this as an opportunity to launch into a different topic, so come on along friends!

Now I'm no puritan. At least, not anymore. Not since I sold off my shoe buckles and got rid of my black knickers. I like a well placed curse word as much as the next guy. I can even get behind the occasional string of profanity inserted into the middle of a blog entry.

"Fucking pansy-ass cock balls licker bitch-hole poopie-drawers"

Wasn't that fun? Indeed, swearing can be a joyous and wonderful mode of expression. But like most pithy remarks, it should be used sparingly. Take the word "love" for instance. Telling someone that you love them can be used to great effect; for instance, as a means of getting you out of trouble, or convincing someone to do something for you, or coercing someone into having sex with you. These are the only three good reasons for saying I love you. What if you were constantly telling someone that you love them? Pretty soon the word doesn't really even mean anything, your girlfriend breaks up with you for being insincere and you end up paying people just to say the word "sex" to you.

Seriously, though. Can you imagine a movie where people are constantly slipping "I love you" into casual conversation? It would drive me crazy. I would try to remove my eardrums with a straw. Proper swearing has the same ability to heighten a moment as a well placed I love you. However, that power has to be reserved. If your characters are constantly swearing, it dilutes that power to the point where your perfectly placed "fuck" is just like the four hundred scattered haphazardly before it.

That being said, go see Superbad. It's a lot of fun, even if it gets a little gratuitous from time to time.

Thus ends my mini-sermon of the day. Go forth and be tight with the Lord.

And remember, cock-ass fuck ankle banger.