Some of you may wonder where the hell I have been for the past couple of days. The last time I wrote anything for you I believe was Friday. Did I go jetting off to a beautiful Caribbean island for Labor Day weekend? No. Did I go on a horrendous four-day binge drinking extravaganza to cope with the pain of the Michigan Wolverines losing to the freaking Appalachian State Mountaineers? Not quite, but I was very much tempted. Instead, I spent the past several days holed up in my lousy studio apartment with the Malaysian Death Cold.
What's the Malaysian Death Cold? Well, I kind of added the 'Death' part because I wanted to make my illness sound grievous and life-threatening. And the 'Malaysian' part because I wanted the illness to sound exotic. Okay, so it's just a cold. But it sucks ass. And it's a bitch to get rid of it. Pardon the profanities, but I feel lousy.
I have been fighting the cold for about a week and a half, and late last week I thought I had the thing beat. That was until Saturday, when evidently my immune system started it's Labor Day break. I don't know if it was the shock of seeing my beloved college football team take one so graciously in the big blue behind or what, but suddenly the walls of wellness came crashing down around me. So I've been stuck in my room in a self-imposed quarantine for the past couple of days. I smell like phlegm. It's a pleasant feeling.
You might say to yourself, "But Nat, you've been in your room doing nothing for the entire weekend? Surely you could have written something!" Well, I suppose I could have. Had I not spent most of the weekend in a half-sleeping daze, shifting in and out of consciousness just long enough to exercises my lungs with a little bit of loud coughing. The most productive thing I did the entire weekend was make "soup." I write quotation marks around the word "soup" because it wasn't particularly soupy by the time I was done with it. More like chicken noodle clump-at-the-bottom-of-a-pot. Surprisingly, it was still delicious.
If the word clump sounds appetizing to you, then I would be more than happy to share the recipe.
So, in conclusion, Labor Day is a delightful holiday that provides everyone in the country with a last little bit of sunny goodness before fall begins and everything starts to die. The end.