Nat Topping - Master of the Dance (Part III - The Revenge)

Last night, my girlfriend and I had our weekly Latin Dance class.

This has become more than just a dance class, by the way; it has also become what I like to call a "Nat class." In a "Nat class" the skill becomes almost secondary as I begin to learn more and more about myself. They are heart warming and illuminating events and I hope one day to turn this particular experience into a movie. Like Billy Elliot only taller, fatter and less British.

Here are some things that I have learned about myself:

Self Revelation A: I am a dance competitor. Not in the sense that I am going to start slapping numbers on my back in the hopes that I can earn extra money and the respect of my dancing peers. To hell with that. But if I'm going to drag my ass out to the 'burbs to take a dance class, I want to learn what I'm doing. Even if I'm only going to forget everything I've learned over the next three days.

Self Revelation B: I am incapable of moving my hips. This is a particularly challenging obstacle when dancing the cha cha. Ever dance the cha cha with the Frankenstein monster? Now you know how my girlfriend feels. This may be the challenge that I ultimately must overcome in a poignant climax at the end of the movie where finally I learn to move beyond the steps and start dancing with passion and fire!

"GRRRRRR!! FUEGO BAD!" shouts the Frankenstein monster in his red sequined jump suit.

Self Revelation C: As hard as I try, I cannot dance the Tango without making an ass out of myself. As soon as I get the face under control I start flinging my arms around like I'm some sort of Tango master. When I'm not flinging my arms around, I'm making silly Tango faces. When I have my arms and my face under control, I suddenly can't do any of the steps. I don't know if this is something I can control with additional practice or if I just need to embrace the silliness and move on.

More self revelations to follow I'm sure. For now, I will continue to soldier on in my attempt to conquer my inherent awkward whiteness and, if all else fails, I can always fall back on the monster mash.