Thursday, October 11, 2007

A Response to My Sister's Most Recent Blog Post

Dearest Vanessa,

You wrote a blog entry addressed to me, so I feel I should write one back to you.

In response to your most recent blog post, I suppose I owe you an explanation on the "McDonalds Bet." I was sitting in a bar with my buddy Pat, discussing various foolish things when, and I can't remember how it came up, I mentioned French McDonalds. Pat insisted, incorrectly, that there was no such thing as a French McDonalds and that they were in fact outlawed from the land of France by government legislation. I informed him that he was incorrect (yet again) and he stubbornly refused to admit the errors of his way so I was forced to prove that there are McDonalds restaurants in the land of France.

Since you had just spent approximately a year living in the land of France, I considered you to be an authority on French fastfood and so texted you to verify what I already knew: namely that I am right. Your texted response proved my point and I thank you for your assistance. Pat continues to live in denial, as is his wont, but I have since realized that there is nothing that you or I can do to change that.

He's probably reading this right now.

At any rate, I am glad that my foolish childhood dancing antics (videotaped without first obtaining a signed release, by the way, from toddler Nat) continue to amuse and delight you. Rest assured that I like you too.

In regards to your impending lameness, I would like to welcome you to the club. I can't even tell you how many times I have turned down the opportunity to party with a busload of Scandinavian strippers, opting instead to order a delicious Lou Malnati's deep-dish pepperoni pizza and watch the entire 4th season of Mr. Show. I wonder if perhaps you and I are genetically predisposed to lameness. We are related afterall, or so I've been told.

In regards to your preference for the "real life," I personally feel that I have yet to find such an experience. Would you count living in the land of France as the real life? I spent eighty hours each week for over a year working at a theatre and did not consider it to be real life. I've worked countless straight jobs praying for that not to be the real life. I have my responsibilities; I pay my bills; is this the real life yet? Meh. It's life.

I think the difference between giggling freshman Vanessa and senior year Vanessa is not so much a penchant for real life but an expression of your maturity. At anyrate, I'll get off the pseudo pulpit and say I'm proud of my little sister who is most likely smarter than me. And I'm glad that you wrote a new blog entry - you should write more often - it gave me something to read.

Talk to you later, kiddo.




Anonymous said...

What your brother doesn't comprehend is that he can color coat his erroneous statements all he wants, but they are still erroneous. I am reminded of the famous Mexican addage, 'A monkey that dresses in silk is still a monkey.' I was never serious about McDonalds not being in France. By the way, ask your brother about the famous English Cheddar his delightful imagination has concocted.
-A. Hamilton
P.S. Turkey is not considered among the major European Nations(England, France, Germany, Ireland, Norway, Sweden, Belguim, Netherlands, Spain, Portuga,Finland..etc) as being part of Europe. I have asked this question to many Europeans and they most definately agree with me.

Unknown said...

Dear Alexander Hamilton,
You sound suspiciously a lot like Patrick. Vanessa may also be able to attest to the fact that [a] Cheddar cheese is still made in England (in the town of Cheddar, no less) and [b] that the northeastern portion of the Republic of Turkey (north east of the sea of marmara, including the city of Istanbul) is in fact on the continent of Europe which was the original argument.
-N. Topping, future US President
(more than can be said for you)

Anonymous said...

I never said that cheddar cheese was not made in England. I said that the country is known for its horrible food and that the United States is widely accepted as having better cuisine. You would be a good president, because like most trial lawyers, you change the argument. Please refer back to my first statement regarding the dominant powers of Europe not considering Turkey to be among them. That is what I said.
- Simon Cowell

Anonymous said...

english cheddar looks fantastic.
point proven.
*Patrick (I dont want to be president to the fact that I will make my billions in the private sector so that i can control the president and take less responsibility)

Anonymous said...

Please do me a favor and send me a picture of Nat during the years of 1994-1998. When you receive it, scan it, and then please post the phrase 'The Eagles Has Landed' on this exact blog entry. I will then reply and proceed with instructions.

Seoulcially Akward Nessie said...

You two are ridiculous. Pat, your original statement was that "Turkey is not considered among the major European being part of Europe."

Then, a little further down, you said "please refer back to my first statement regarding the dominant powers of Europe not considering Turkey to be among them. That is what I said."

You're talking about two different things. The first implies that Turkey is not geographically a European country, which we all know it is.

Then, you change your argument and suggest that the Powers of Europe do not consider Turkey to be among a Power of Europe.

Europe on a map + Powers of Europe = two different things.

Perhaps it is you, Patrick, that would make a decent President.

Now, to both of you, get back to work.

Unknown said...

That's my sister :)

Anonymous said...

You are ridiculous. A tiny part of Turkey may be extended over the greater part of Europe. It is not a European country. Thanks for waiting to respond until I was out of the office, you buttface. Vanessa, I still need that picture.

Unknown said...

Did you just call my sister a buttface?

Anonymous said...

That being said,

I agree with your assesment that there are two different parts two my argument. However, I believe both of them have validity in proving my argument.

In regards to McDonalds not being in France, I was entirely joking. I have been to parts of Europe and have seen McDonalds in those areas. Your brother took that comment, meant as a joke, and publish it in his blog as being said in total seriousness. His comment about cheddar was also meant as a joke. Unlike him, I realized that his comment was in jest.

I apologize for mistakenly calling you a buttface. You are far from it. Nat has spoken very highly of you on many a conversation.

I must warn you, Vanessa, that you entering a war zone of pride when it comes to this subject(Turkey is not considered a European Country), and that you should proceed with caution. Please note that I would never insult you, but razor sharp semantics are being passed back and forth.

For the sake of an apology, I will address myself for the coming week as 'buttface.'Nat can publish as many blog entries as he wishes and I will comment on each of them with my title. I will also ask Nat for the address to your blog, read each of those, and respond in the like.
God Speed!
*Large Buttface

Seoulcially Akward Nessie said...


Cheese and McDonald's aside, Turkey is still a European country, no matter what you say. I've been there, I've been through customs, I stayed in the home of my friend's Turkish grandmother, I have walked crossed the Bosporous Bridge. I will get my friend's Turkish grandmother on the phone and you can discuss the matter further with her.

Though I wish I had a photo of Nat between 1994-1998, unfortunately, I do not.

Anonymous said...

I disagree. Nobody considers it a European Country. I have asked many a European(Irishmen, Englishmen), and they agree. Its like Puerto Rico and the U.S.,haha.

Unknown said...

With the noteable exception, of course, that Puerto Rico (an Island) is not physically attached to the United States. Turkish thrace is not an island. Also, the United States is a nation state, not a continent. Hence, Smelly Buttface, you are wrong yet again on two counts. Also, never trust an Irishman. They are, as an ethnicity, blatant liars.

Anonymous said...

i am not wrong. I was making an analogy regarding the membership status of Turkey regarding Europe, and the common consideration that Europeans have in regards to the small part of Turkey that is within the geographical boundaries of Europe. I realize that the U.S. is a nation state. I realize that Puerto Rico is an island, you vag fart. The Irish rule the world.
*last day of buttface and that last post of yours, Nat, has no relevance.

Unknown said...

1: Your analogy was idiotic.
2: Talking to five drunk Brits does not mean that you can make generalizations about the opinions of roughly 710,000,000 people.
3: The original argument was whether or not a part of Turkey is geographically located on the continent of Europe. I assume by this last post, per your statment "in regards to the small part of Turkey that is within the geographical boundaries of Europe" that you are conceding the argument to me.
4: As part-Irish, I can confirm that the Irish do not, indeed, rule the world.
5: My last post was relevant in so far as it demonstrates that, yet again, you don't know what you're talking about.

-Nat "Captain Correct" Topping

Anonymous said...

Hey Nat,
Why dont you ask anyone within our company during a company outing whether or not Turkey is a European country. Milan, who is a very smart man, disagreed with you. Our two CEOs disagreed with you. The V.P. of Operations disagreed with you. You just sat there and swallowed that German beer like you swallow your erroneous claims. The Irish have an exceptional booming economy, and will soon rule the world.

Unknown said...

You are living in such a fantasty world that I no longer even know how to argue with you. I was at the outing and I know what our coworkers said. You are, again, misrepresenting the argument and misrepresenting the events as they occured. But I have come to expect no less from you so I cannot say that I am surprised.
From hence-forth, I will no longer waste my time. Also, for the record, there are not two CEOs at our company. There is one CEO and one COO. Check your company directory.
Charmed, as always,

Anonymous said...

I won, you know it. I didnt change the argument. You are using the most basic of argument fallacies by not dealing with the argument at hand, rather pointing out something of no importance, a mistake I made in mis-identifying the COO and the CEO. Deal with the argument itself, not my mistake. I, for one, can aknowledge when I have made a mistake. Maybe you can learn from that. Turkey is not a European Country. Thats where we started, and I won.

Unknown said...

"I will no longer waste my time."

Anonymous said...

I won

Crump said...