Friday, November 2, 2007

The White Shirt Empire

In the span of the past four days, I have been asked by two separate friends of mine, both named Pat, to borrow white button up shirts. The first time, when Pat A asked to borrow a shirt for a show, I thought nothing of it. However, when I got a call out of the blue yesterday from Pat B, I was a little bit freaked. Pat B just moved here from Michigan and managed to get a job that starts today. He desperately needed a white shirt since all of his were still at home in Michigan.

Initially I was amazed at the strange little coincidences of life. What are the odds that I would have two friends, both named Pat, who both needed to borrow my dirty white button-up shirts within the same week?

But then, after spending a ridiculous amount of time thinking about it as I was trying to fall asleep last night, it hit me that Pat is a very common name. Not only that, but white button-up shirts are also a very common need for young twenty-something men in the big city. Was this perhaps a potential business opportunity?

I'm thinking yes.

So I'm quitting this whole telecommunications stop-gap thing and I'm not even going to bother writing anymore. I'm an entrepreneur now. And the little nugget of gold that's going to make me rich? Loaning dirty white button-up shirts out to young men named Pat who live in the city of Chicago.

I really think that this demographic (namely young men named Pat who live in the city of Chicago and need to borrow a dirty white button-up shirt) is one of the fastest growing demographics in the country. Hell, I can think of at least one guy named Pat who moved to the city of Chicago within the past month. If that rate of growth sustains itself for a whole year, I'm looking at a net growth of twelve Pats, which is not even to mention the countless Pats that probably already live in the city.

And who is going to loan these Pat the dirty white button-up shirts so necessary to their survival here in the big city? Why me of course. And in return for my services they shall make me rich.

So I'm tendering my resignation effective today. I'm looking for suitable store fronts tomorrow and will be meeting with some freelance graphic designers to help put together my promotional materials. Within a couple of months, I'll bet you'll be able to find me in the Fortune 500. Shares of my dirty white button-up shirts will be tradeable on the stock market. I'll have a giant mansion on Lake Michigan which I will call "The Hampers" where I shall hold Champagne orgies.

I will be wealthy beyond my wildest dreams!

Oh, note to self: buy more white button-up shirts.


Anonymous said...

Enough with this drivel! Let's hear more about that wonderful girlfriend of yours: Katie Meiners, a.k.a., HotPants McGinty. I am especially interested in learning more about how she does not keep your testicles in a jar!

Crump said...