Monday, February 25, 2008

Oscar Thoughts - As Though You Cared

I got to sit and watch the Oscars this year. Normally, I would pester all of my friends with my snide comments and remarks about the show and the awards but two things have happened lately:

(1) Ever since the infamous "Fleshlight incident" I've have no more friends
(2) I have a blog this year.

So the next person searching the site for "clever panties" will be forced to deal with my random crap. Lucky you.

Observation #1: The Coen brothers are kind of weird, boring and slightly arrogant. This came as a shock and disappointment to me, considering the high quality odd-ball movies they have made over the years. Not saying that's necessarily a bad thing - if weirdly boring helps them make awesome movies, fine. But listening to their acceptance speeches for Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Director and Best Film were like watching paint dry. Paint with just a hint of arrogance. Martha Stewart has a brand of paint, right? That one.

Observation #2: Speaking of acceptance speaches, there were no memorable ones this year. No Roberto Benigni, no Cuba Gooding Jr., not even a ridiculously embarrasing Cher outfit.

Observation #3: Of the songs up for best song, three of five were for Enchanted. Only three movies had original songs this year? In the entire movie making world? There was nobody out there who was able to write at least one song better than those godawful Enchanted tunes? Seriously? I could write better songs with two soup spoons and an alley cat. Go on, dare me.

Observation #4: I thought John Stewart did a good job hosting this year. I particularly enjoyed any writer's strike related jabs throughout the evening, such as the montage of famous scenes involving binoculars and teloscopes.

Observation #5: Every Oscar ceremony must involve at least one joke about Jack Nicholson, followed quickly by a reaction shot of Jack Nicholson mouthing some sort of retort that we can't hear. This must be written into every Oscar script so long as Jack Nicholson lives. This is the law.

Observation #6: Did anyone think that Daniel Day Lewis was not going to win Best Actor?

Observation #7: I liked No Country For Old Men (apart from the "climax" ending monologue where I tuned out and started counting the number of bald people in the theatre) but I really wanted There Will Be Blood to win for Best Film, if only because There Will Be Blood is so much more fun to quote. Come on, shout it with me: "I drink your milkshake!" Shout it at the computer screen! I don't care if you're in the office or sneaking around the internet at home looking for porn while your husband or wife is sleeping. Shout it: "I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE! I DRINK - YOUR - MILKSHAKE!"

Tell me that isn't fun.