Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Endorsement for the Presidency

Fellow Americans,

We are in desperate political times. Brother fights brother and fellow party members rip themselves to shreds at a time when we must all come together for the common goal: the Presidency of the United States. It is at times like this where all good conscionable people, from the members of the media (that lofty and highly esteemed pillar of American Democracy) all the way down to the lowly transient hobo and blogger, must stand forth and declare their voting intentions for all the country to see.

That's why today, Clever Title is proud to announce their endorsement of Nat Topping for President in 2040.

We here at Clever Title already know what you're thinking: "Isn't this kind of a meaningless endorsement? I mean, Clever Title is Nat Topping's blog. Of course they're going to endorse him. I just wonder why they waited until April 23rd 2039 to throw their hat in the ring. Isn't that weird? And anyway, how is this supposed to make me change my mind? Isn't this kind of sad and pathetic?"

...

Well, but look, we really do think that, given the problems faced in the year 2040, he's the best candidate for the (third) most powerful job in the world.

Since announcing his candidacy in 2008, he has accumulated 31 years worth of experience in exaggerating or fabricating his achievements. He has spent 31 years learning the art of political campaigning, 31 years worth of boldfaced and unabashed lying, 31 years worth of saying one thing and doing another. In short, he has 31 years of experience where his opponents only have 30 or 29 years experience. That should count for something, right?

And what other candidate lies to you with the conviction and passion of Nat Topping? You might even think he's telling the truth some of the time, if not for that telltale laugh and cocky smirk. We really get the sense that he really honestly genuinely cares that we are properly mislead, suckered in and insulated from the truth.

You remember that time, during the Iowa debate, when he berated the opponent for that horrendous mole on his left cheek, and constantly interrupted the questions with shouts of "Good lord, it smells like ASS around here! Jesus, didn't your mother teach you to wipe?!"

You remember those campaign ads about how "Americans Deserve Better Than Someone Who Smells Like Ass?"

We're talking about a man who can restore the proper dignity and majestic poise to our country's (seventh) most important office here.

Now obviously, we're not trying to denigrate his (pedophile) colleagues against whom he is running in the primaries, nor slander the (necrophiliac) opponent from the other party. There will be time for that in later posts. Plenty of time.

Suffice it to say that, even though those 31 years worth of experience don't actually include any hands on experience in really actually running anything, we here at Clever Title are confident that Nat Topping, candidate for America, will do at least as well as the past twenty or so Presidents, if not worse!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

i cannot wait until sugarloaf debuts their crane machine stuffed president topping. i would spend rolls of quarters trying to hook it. you've already written his perfect notable quote.

Nat Topping said...

One more reason to vote Nat in 2040: merchandising!