I just found out about this, but apparently the internet can be used for more than just blogging and viewing amateur Swedish pornography.
I know, shocking right?
For the longest time, I had been using the internet almost exclusively for porn. Last year I discovered blogging. Since then, I have been using the internet for posting my half-baked jokes and xenophobic ramblings for all the world (three people) to see. And viewing porn.
Recently, I've discovered the "Forward."
Actually, I guess the proper term is "rediscovered" since I've known about the infamous Forward for a good long time.
A "forward" is an email that someone you know received from someone else that has been deemed funny enough or important enough that they are sending it along to you (or "forwarding it") unsolicited under the assumption - false or otherwise - that you will enjoy or learn from it.
Usually, that assumption is dead wrong. And, as a result, I almost always delete forwards without even opening them - unless of course they are sent from someone that I know and trust, in which case I think about opening it and then delete it anyway.
Forwards are also a great way to sneak computer viruses onto your computer. If I'm getting a computer virus, I would just as soon get it from Swedish porn than a stupid Forward.
But last night I was thinking about the Forward and realized that, like the ingredients section on the packaging of your favorite Little Debbie Snack Cake, someone actually took the time to write that. Once the thing has been forwarded hundreds of times from one enthusiastic forwarder to another, it's easy to lose track of the fact that somewhere, someone decided to sit down and actually write that damned thing where you scroll down the email and read a bunch of questions and by the time you get to the end, the email claims that it can read your mind or whatever.
Somewhere, someone in a darkened basement conjured up his inner Somalianness to write that damned email that claims to have a fortune locked in a bank account and that they need your help to unlock it and that you will be handsomely rewarded for your help.
Someone actually writes those hysterical emails - the READ THIS NOW ITS TWO (sic) IMPORTANT TO DELETE emails, claiming that Obama, Hillary and McCain are just three heads on the Seven Headed beast of the Apocalypse.
Yes, someone writes all that shit, and then they send it out to people who they know will forward it on to other people, who then in turn either delete it or send it one to other people, and the cycle continues ad nauseum.
Don't you wonder who those people are? The people that spend actual time and energy putting that shit together? I do. And I wonder how I can get started writing them!
I'm looking for samples to help me get started. If anyone has an interesting forward, post it in the comment section.