Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The Universal Church Goes Universal

Ladies and gentlemen, it's the moment you've all been waiting for. The Roman Catholic church has finally come around:

"The Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes, the Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory, says that the vastness of the universe means it is possible there could be other forms of life outside Earth, even intelligent ones.... Funes says that such a notion "doesn't contradict our faith" because aliens would still be God's creatures."

It's about time someone at the Vatican took my feverish letters seriously.

Actually, I didn't even know that the Vatican had an observatory. I'm guessing that wasn't around when they forced Galileo to admit that the Earth is the center of the universe and not that pesky yellow thing flying around the sky all the time.

Now, some of you may dismiss this as an act of blasphemy or at the very least a trivial piece of non-news that has absolutely no bearing on how people live their real lives. But I ask you to take a moment and digest the importance of this statement. This is a huge step forward for major religious organizations recognizing the potential existence of what have up until this point been nothing more than fictional characters in Hollywood movies (not counting Scientology of course, which is a business).

Of course, this begs the theological question: "If God is all good, how could God create beings who routinely kidnap and probe rednecks, who forced Carrie Fisher against her will to wear a smoking hot metal bikini, and who blew up the White House two days before Independence Day?"

Ah, a question worthy of St. Augustine himself!

But, while this is definitely a step forward, we must continue to push until mother church recognizes the possible existence of other creatures of fancy, including (but not limited to):

(1) Gnomes
(2) Trolls
(3) Fairies
(4) Yetis
(5) Dragons
(6) Mormons
(7) The Kraken

And as a staunch supporter of this cause, I promise you that I will not rest until I get distracted by something else, which I expect will happen shortly after I finish publishing this post.


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

what about the sixth sense aliens - didn't water melt them? that would make for an awkward baptism.

Anonymous said...

Does this fall under a 'robot' or a 'dinosaur'. Looking forward to a SKETCH on this subject.