I have found my calling and it is Karaoke.
Last Friday, we held an office party to celebrate the opening of out new offices. The company went all out, providing a catered meal, alcoholic beverages and even an Elvis impersonator. That's right, an Elvis impersonator - because nothing says Telecommunications Reseller quite like a middle aged man dressed in a sequined jump-suit doing a medley of hits from two generations ago. Whatever, it beat the hell out of real work.
After the meal was over and the Elvis impersonator had awkwardly spoken with everyone at the party, the company offered us the opportunity to "win fantastic prizes" through a Karaoke contest.
I won one of those fantastic prizes.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with Karaoke, it is an ancient art that dates back to late 16th Century Feudal Japan when the Shogun, in an alcohol-induced fit, would force local musicians to play popular songs but, instead of letting trained singers sing the words, would caterwaul and shout insults at the other partiers who were, for all intents and purposes, help captive. Despite developments in technology, the basic crux of Karaoke remains the same today, as evidenced by many modern corporate functions.
In our instance, the company offered their employees the opportunity to compete for prizes before the boss took over and started singing slurred versions of hits from the 1960's and reminding us that we were paid to be there and listen. I seldom ever win anything in competitions. This time, though, I managed to pick up a gift card and a printed certificate from the company promising me two round trip tickets on Southwest Airlines. Whether or not that certificate actually amounts to real round trip tickets remains to be seen, but the sentiment is nice.
So now I'm mulling over the possibility of going pro - not as a professional singer but as a professional Karaokeist. It sure would beat the hell out of telecomm and I've already proven that I can win at least giftcards. Who knows? If I quit and devote my life to refining the art of Karaoke, I might be able to win some cash. Are there places that offer cash prizes? I'll have to look into that.
Forget comedy writing and performing! Karaoke is the wave of the future. Maybe, if I become successful enough, I can write a book offering tips on the biz and then retire and live off the royalties.
For now, I'm just excited to have finally found my calling.
Come on now, but what did you sing?!
"You Sexy Thing" by Hot Chocolate.
For more inspiration, see Duets starring Huey Lewis and Gwyneth Paltrow. Huey plays what can only be described as a "karaoke hustler." Ef you witness Huey's Oscar worthy performance, you might agree with me that making money off of karaoke is indeed a noble calling.
Now I have something to do tonight. Thank you.
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