Thursday, July 24, 2008

Richard Simmons for Congress?! YES!!

This is quite possibly the best idea ever.

Richard Simmons for Congress!

Holy God, what a brilliant freaking idea. Hold on, I have to sit down and catch my breath.

Okay. Okay, I'm good.

Oh my God, I can't believe how great this idea is.

You remember Richard Simmons, right? Here's a picture:


Aparently, the mastermind behind Sweatin' to the Oldies 4 is visiting Capital Hill today to promote more sequined jumpsuits in our public school system. While there, he was asked by reporters this morning whether he would ever consider running for public office.

His reply?

"If my country wants me, I'll be there for my country."

Oh my God, Richard Simmons, on behalf the country: Yes! YES! A thousand times!

Can you imagine the sheer amount of potential comedy even just from a Richard Simmons campaign? Forget whether or not he wins, the run in and of itself could be mined for jokes for decades to come. But wait, no; imagine if he does win! I'm drooling on my shirt. I mean, here read this. This is from the aforementioned article:

"(The new president) is going to have to look at the statistics of what's happening to our kids," Simmons told CNN Radio, "And then he's going to say who can we turn to? And it certainly isn't the Ghostbusters."

YES! Richard Simmons, save us from the fat kids! Wait, did you make a Ghostbusters reference? Seriously? That was topical what, like, 20 years ago? Priceless! Who wouldn't want that kind of clear critical thinking ability, not to mention eloquence and exuberance, behind important decisions like whether or not to go to war with another country?

But wait, there's more:

"After this congressional hearing, I will go home," Simmons said, "I will talk
with my Dalmatian dogs, I will pray to God and then I'll see what else I can do
to help."

I want to make sure that we have our priorities straight. First, we talk to the Dalmatian dogs. After we have talked to the Dalmations, THEN we pray to God. And then, taking the advice of both the Dalmatians and God into equal consideration, we make a decision.

I'm feeling light headed. I might pass out from sheer glee.

Go. Go now to Richard Simmons' website in all of it's Simmonsful glory, click 'contact us' and DEMAND that Richard Simmons run for office.

I have never been more excited for our political process than I am right now.

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