Friday, August 1, 2008

Ask Richard Simmons' Dalmatians Gets Seasick

For those of you who haven't read, evidently Richard Simmons' Dalmatian dogs are like oracles, who impart wisdom on those seeking to make big life decisions and need solid advice that they can trust. With that in mind, I've created a feature on Clever Title called...


This week's request comes from Phillip of Chicago, IL. Phillip writes:

"Dear Richard Simmons Dalmatians,

Thank you in advance for answering this question.

This Friday, I am going on a company sponsored cruise on the Lake Michigan shore front as a sort of bonding event. I like boats and the water, so I have been looking forward to this little excursion for weeks. However, the other day I overheard some people referring to this bonding event as a "Booze Cruise!"

I have never been one to shy away from a good time - a few months ago I was the king of the party at the neighborhood Book Fair - but Booze? On a boat? During the day? I have to tell you that I'm a little concerned. What if things get a little out of hand? What is the best way to come out of this "Booze Cruise" without jeopardizing my job?

I earnestly await your response,

-Phillip of Chicago, IL"

"Dear Phil,

Never pass up free booze. Ever. If you're worried about losing your job, keep in mind: the boss can't fire everybody. So, as long as you're making sure everyone else is drinking just as much as you then you should be fine. Also, don't puke on the boat.

Go get your drink on, Philly.

Fuck yeah,

-Richard Simmons' Dalmatians."

Also, a bonus letter:

"Dear Richard Simmons' Dalmatians,

I'm in a bit of a pickle. Every day I visit Nat Topping's blog, but some days after reading it, I just feel awful, like someone has taken my skullcap off and covered the top layer of my brain with 2-day old, browning guacamole. What should I do?


Craig Squendling"


Ger your head out of your ass. That should solve your problems. Good luck with your blog.

Fuck Yeah,

-Richard Simmons' Dalmatians."

If you have a question for Richard Simmons' Dalmatians, please leave it in the comment box. If you're lucky, maybe we'll pick yours for the next installment of Ask Richard Simmons' Dalmatians.


Anonymous said...

Dear Dalmatians,
I have a friend who praises pornography and every afternoon explains his fascination of this perversion. His incessant habit of informing his peers of his afternoon plans to dive into the dark side of the world wide web makes others around him feel uncomfortable, including myself. How can I explain this to him without hurting his feelings?

Chus said...

This is what I think: Richard Simmons