Thursday, December 11, 2008

Nagging Proof of my Mental Ineptness

On Tuesday of this week, the company had a carpenter come in to the office and "fix" the bathroom doors.

I was woefully unaware that they needed to be fixed. Whenever I went to the bathroom, the door always opened and shut. It never refused to open. It never fell over while trying to open it. It never had any gaping holes in it. I needed only push on the left hand side of the door and it would open for me. In short, it was a door and performed all necessary door functions quite nicely.

Supposedly (at least the powers that be want you to believe that) this is not enough for "some people." "Some people" complained that whenever anyone opened the door to the men's room, one could not only see the sink but also potentially see a man standing at the urinal.

At the urinal! Behind a divider that concealed any nastiness! For the three seconds it takes a door to close!

I don't know who these "some people" are who stand near the door to the men's room who are so offended by this, but I would love to know so that I can properly shame them for ogling the men's room door. So far, nobody has come forward to claim that particular title.

And so this past Tuesday a carpenter came in and rehung the door so that when they open one can only see the urinal when the door is opened very wide and even then only for a fleeting moment.

Problem solved!

Except now in order to enter the bathroom I must push on the right side of the door.

This is markedly different from before, when I only had to push on the left side of the door. We are talking about the complete opposite side of the door.

I usually never stop to think about how certain things become habit.

It became quickly apparent yesterday that I had in fact formed the habit of opening the door on the left side and that, no matter how hard I tried, I could not break myself of the habit. In order for me avoid embarrassment when going to the men's room I must now stop and think about the specific actions I need to take:

I will walk up to the door.
I will stop and review.
I will place my right hand on the right side of the door.
I will push on the right side of the door.
I will enter the bathroom.

However, if I'm preoccupied or in a hurry I skip this review process and inevitably come to the shocking realization that the door is not opening and its my fault because I can't get it in my head that I'm supposed to open from the right now, goddamn it, you moron it's not that hard!

Deep breath. Okay.

Confidentially (and don't tell the powers that be) I'm beginning to think that these complainers, these "some people" don't exist, and that this bathroom door business is nothing more than a psychological experiment. Or worse, maybe its a tactic. A tactic for keep me and others like me subdued.

Bastards.

Anyway, I have to go now. Wish me luck.

3 comments:

Mademoiselle Nessa said...

Your life is tragic.

Enya's Assasssin said...

I wish I was a moron like you, Nat. It sounds fun.

Nat Topping said...

I'll bet you also wish you had your own blog.