Thursday, April 2, 2009

Nat Topping - Racoon Hunter

I don't know about you, gentle reader, but with the impending collapse of modern society as we know it making it's way into our lives I have often contemplated what I would do with myself if complete and total meltdown ever occurred.

Questions like "What part of Lincoln Park would be best for growing corn?" and "Which apartment buildings will be most defendable from roving bandit raids?" and "Where can I get a copy of the MacGyver television series?" have been crossing my mind lately.

Well, I've found my mentor.

To summarize, there's a guy in Detroit who hunts and sells racoon meat and pelts. But you really should just follow the link and read the whole damn thing, mostly because (a) it's such a surreal story, (b) and yet not at all surprising, and (c) it's a fantastic study in dialect. Read this:

"Today people got no skill and things is getting worse," he laments. "What people gonna do? They gonna eat each other up is what they gonna do."

Oh man.

Now to take a little sidetrack to do some good old fashioned lamenting for Detroit:

Seriously, how much worse can it get? The city was crumbling already even before the entire economy started to fall apart around us. And now, not only can you fit the entire city of San Francisco in Detroit's vacant lots, but the government effectively runs two of the Big Three auto companies now - held captive with loan money that was in turn probably borrowed from China but that situation is just going to make me angry in a whole different way - workers are losing their jobs left and right, Mayors are getting kicked out of office for being blatant and unabashed criminals, people are hunting racoons for food, the Lions go 0-16 and become a national joke and then, on top of ALL OF THIS, freaking Allen Iverson has to run around and cry about coming off of the Piston's bench after being MIA for over a month with a back injury. I mean, when you don't even have the Pistons anymore then something is not right with the world.

End lamentation.

Seriously, though, anyone know where I can find a survival course?

No comments: