***UPDATED: Well, once again the world has made me a fool. No sooner do I post this than CNN.com changes the below link saying that HUMMER was purchased by a Chinese company. I know, I know. I'm disappointed too. Rest assured, the Clever Title staff investigative team has been fired and will be replaced by a box of Eggo Waffles. Original Post is below, so that we all might dream of what might have been.***
As part of the continued humiliating collapse of the American Automobile Industry, General Motors (who recently declared bankruptcy) has agreed to sell their ass-kicking, gas-guzzling, Hyundai-crushing HUMMER brand. You can find what details are available at this link, but as you’ll notice the actual purchaser of the brand is unknown.
A mystery buyer!! Ha!!
GM was considering three serious buyers for the ultimate Man-Brand. The Clever Title staff investigative team has managed to uncover the names of those three serious buyers.
Check it out, people. Because GM is now owned by one of the following three parties.
The HUMMER brand offers Arnold plenty of room to store his phallic symbols. And yes, the prospective buyer is Arnold Schwarzenegger circa 1982 and not the modern Governor incarnation.
It's apparently that good of a deal for Richard Simmons.
Oh God, those cold icy eyes. They’re so cold.
P.S.: If you're wondering how long it took me to come up with that title, the answer if 23 minutes, 15 seconds.