Monday, August 24, 2009

An Idiot's Perspective on Universal Healthcare

The below is crossposted to the Robo-blog.

This weekend, I was flipping through channels on the TV looking for reruns of American Gladiators - the old ones from the 80's that rocked not the new ones - when I accidentally stopped on the news. I try not to watch the news because it's SO BORING but this time when I stopped there were all these people shouting at people in suits and I thought hey, that's kind of like me! I want to shout at people in suits too!

Why are all these people shouting at people in suits, I asked myself. And then the TV told me it was because of Universal Health Care.

Universal Health Care, what's that? I don't know.

So I call my mom, which is something else I try not to do because it's SO BORING and asked her what was Universal Health Care. And then she talked a lot and I don't listen sometimes because it's SO BORING but when she said Health Care is that you go to the doctor. And then Universe means everybody (which I thought was kind of dumb because Universe is all the stars and shit, but she said there were two meanings. Whatever.)

And then I put together the two words and I said "Holy shit, everybody goes to the doctor!" And mom said not to swear but it is too late so I hung up the phone.

And now I'm mad too. Because I hate going to the doctor!

And now, Obama wants to make us all go to the doctor! That's not right.

I don't go to the doctor much. I have health esurance from work but I didn't ask what it was when they gave it to me because I didn't want them to not hire me so I said thank you and now I don't use it.

But every time I did go to the doctor when I was little they poke this, and stick and needle in that, and shove there hand up there and it hurts and it also sucks and also I don't like it!! And that's me - I'm thirty-three years old. Imagine if Obama makes old people go to the doctor too. They're all old and how can they deal with being poked and needled and hands get shoved up the who knows where?

They can't and it's not right!!

So I say everybody needs to stop what they are doing on the Internets because the nakeds will still be there when you come back and instead go call their TV and tell them NO TO UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE!!!

Because it's not right!!!

God bless.


Anonymous said...

Since when am I so boring, Owen....

Unknown said...

Ever since I turned thirty-three.