ALL MY VICES - Starring a Bunch of Puppets

Where have I been all week? Well, insert obligatory apology about being busy due to the show, and then insert obligatory show plug (SHOW PLUG!!!) here.

Inspiration comes from the strangest places sometimes. One of the great things about doing sketch shows is that you end up spending time trolling the Internet for useful props, sound effects, set pieces, and puppets. I happened to stumble across this website that sells "Educational Sets" of puppets.

Basically, you buy the set, get a bunch of puppets and a CD of recorded puppet dialogue and music. Then, you set up shop at a local school or library or something and start preaching to kids about healthy eating or not talking to strangers.

I found this set that's about not smoking or drinking called 'Nicotine and Friends.' Here's a picture of the puppets in the set.

And I thought to myself, 'I could probably write a nice, educational puppet adventure for these cute little guys.' So I did. And I'd like to share the below, which is copyright Clever Title 2009 and is available for use at your local educational institution for a small free (please contact the owner of this blog for further details, puppets not included).

ALL MY VICES

An Educational Puppet Play,

by Nat Topping

Cast:

Timmy: The Boy Puppet

Jim: The Man Puppet

Edith: The Woman Puppet

Mr. Cigarette: The Cigarette Puppet

Mr Beer: The Beer Puppet

Weird Blue Green Monster: The Weird Blue Green Monster Puppet

Scene: Timmy's bedroom in his parent's house.

TIMMY: Well, Mr. Cigarette, here we go.

(TIMMY lights MR CIGARETTE, takes a few puffs)

TIMMY: Wow, this is disgusting. But I kind of like it.

MR CIGARETTE: Oh yeah, you're so cool, Timmy. You're really really cool now.

TIMMY: Thanks, Mr. Cigarette. I think you're pretty cool too.

(We hear a knock at the door.)

JIM: (From off stage) Timmy, what are you doing in there? I smell smoke.

TIMMY: Nothing, dad! (To MR. CIGARETTE) You better hide, Mr. Cigarette.

MR CIGARETTE: Coolio.

(MR CIGARETTE hides as JIM enters)

JIM: What in heck fire are you doing in here, son?

TIMMY: Nothing, dad. Just looking at dirty pictures of naked women on the computer.

JIM: Are you lying to me, Tim?

TIMMY: No.

JIM: Tim, I smell smoke.

TIMMY: Is the house on fire?

JIM: Tim...

TIMMY: Okay, Dad. I admit it. Come on out, Mr. Cigarette.

(Reenter MR. CIGARETTE)

MR CIGARETTE: Hey, daddy-o.

JIM: Oh Tim. I'm so disappointed. You've picked the wrong vice!

TIMMY: What do you mean?

JIM: Vices are the nasty things we do for pleasure. Everybody has them. It's important, though, when you pick your vice that you don't pick something destructive. Cigarettes, for instance, make other people hate you. Because you smell bad. And you're killing yourself.

TIMMY: Wait, dad: if everybody has a vice, does that mean you have a vice too?

JIM: Sure does. But I've picked something much more socially acceptable. Here, son. Let me introduce you to Mr. Beer.

(Enter MR BEER)

BEER: OH YEAH! PARTY PARTY PARTY!!

JIM: You see, booze is a good vice because it makes you more sociable in front of people you don't know. This allows everyone to have a good time together. Except your mom, who hates Mr. Beer because of three years ago at a Christmas party when I made a crack about the size of her ass.

BEER: YEAH! IT WAS AWESOME!

(Enter EDITH)

EDITH: Damn it, Jim, I overheard you talking about my ass. Have you been drinking again?

JIM: Since three this afternoon, honey. I'm just teaching our son a life lesson.

TIMMY: Yeah, mom! I'm learning about vices. Dad says everybody has vices.

EDITH: He would know.

TIMMY: Do you have a vice too?

EDITH: I sure do.

(Enter WEIRD BLUE GREEN MONSTER)

TIMMY: Wow, mom. What vice is that?

EDITH: Hell if I know what it is. All I know is we've had sex like three times today.

JIM: ZOUNDS!

The End.

COMING TO A LIBRARY NEAR YOU, BABY!!