Well, America: I think we've learned a valuable lesson today. When pitching to 80 year old European dudes, beautifully bronzed Brazilian floss-ass wins 98% of the time. Not even the power of Oprah can change this.
Think of it this way, though. 2012 is in London, England. And 2014 is going to be held in Russia.
Where in Russia?
Huh? Hold on, Bolded Lettering. Let me check.
Take your time.
Here we go: Sochi, Russia.
Wait, where the fuck is Sochi, Russia?!
Somewhere on the Black Sea, I guess. But after visiting England and then Sochi, Russia, I'm sure the Olympics could use some sun. And some legitimately attractive women.
As a result of the thinly veiled horniness of the Olympic committee, I propose we hold the NOlympics here in Chicago, coincidentally to be held over the summer of 2016. At the NOlympics, though, we mercilessly mock the Olympics. And then gold medals are handed out to the first person eliminated from each game.
That's not good sportsmanship. That's great sportsmanship.
Don't judge me.
You know what'll cheer you up, Topping? How about we get FUCKIN' PUMPED UP FOR SOME COLLEGE HOCKEY?!
Shut up and just fuckin' watch this:
Wow. Spacebear rides again. I have to admit it: I'm kind of pumped now.
Goddamn right. Hey, for these NOlympics, can one of the events be Rat Killing?
I suppose. Why?
Check this shit out: Oh Yeah.
Apparently, you are rewarded in Bangladesh for killing the most rats. The reward: one 14-inch color television. But the prize is really secondary. I love some of these quotes:
"This is an exciting moment. I will continue to kill them," he vowed.
"Please pray for me so that I can continue my mission, and teach and motivate others to join me," he told the audience....
That is pretty awesome.
Oh! New Blog-friends!
The first one is a fellow Chicago writer, Alfonso Mangione, who I met through the power of the Facebook (I'm on Facebook. Come be my friend). He's an author, a blogger, and all around good guy.
And the other is a friend from college, Jill, who was like my honorary little sister. She lives in New York and has started a blog devoted to the (second) greatest city in America. She's a good writer. Check her out.
Okay, can we get the weekend started? I have a fuckin; fifth of Jack in the glove compartment if you're looking to get the party started.
Wow, you're kind of a bad person.