Thursday, January 14, 2010

Pat Roberson is a Jackass

In times of crisis, it’s natural for people to look for some sort of explanation. It is very hard for us to accept that sometimes horrible shit happens and there’s nothing that we can do about it. This is particularly true of natural disasters. I mean, it’s not like we said something to piss off the tectonic plates.

But we search for answers anyway. Why is this happening? Who is to blame? What can be done to prevent this from happening again.

Sometimes these are constructive questions that lead to the creation of early warning systems or inspire better methods of dealing with crisis.

And sometimes, you get douche bags making half-baked moronic statements that just… I’m so… I can’t… SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Consider the sad case of Pat Roberston, the televangelist who claimed that the Lord told him the world would end in 1982. Yeah, that guy. He apparently had this to share with the 700 Club regarding the current catastrophe in Haiti:

"And you know, Kristi, something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French, you know, Napoleon the Third and whatever, and they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, 'We will serve you if you'll get us free from the French.' True story. And so the devil said, 'O.K., it's a deal.' "

If his statement are so well researched and sources as to claim that they were under the heel of “Napoleon the Third and whatever” then who am I to question him? Of course, Haiti became independent in 1804 and Napoleon III WASN’T BORN until April 20th, 1808. But these are minor details.

So what are we saying here, Pat? That every single person in Haiti “got together” at some dude’s house one Thursday evening to unanimously swear allegiance to the devil and now God (that benevolent “God is love” God that all preachers preach about until we start talking about people that we hate) is finally just now getting around to punishing them some two hundred and six years after the fact?

‘Hey modern Haitians: I know it’s a horrible tragedy that an earthquake struck and knocked down all of your buildings and killed untold numbers of innocent people and that your entire infrastructure is wiped out and that you’re facing the possibility of disease and further decimation, BUT REMEMBER that this is all may or may not be the fault of your slave ancestors from over 200 years ago.

I hope that’s some consolation for you. Hey! When you get your life back together, buy one of my books!'


Pat Robertson, you are a douche bag.

For anyone interested in actually being helpful, you can make a donation online to the Red Cross here, click Donate and select International Response Fund.

2 comments:

Chris Othic said...

So what you're saying is I can make a pact with the Devil today, but my ancestors will pay for it in 206 years?

Sounds like a good deal to me. Do the Devil just make a credit card that works like that?

Nat Topping said...

It doesn't sound like such a bad deal, does it?