Friday, April 16, 2010

Friday: We Wow You With Weather and Plato Jokes. BOOM.

After an admittedly grumpy week, I feel that it’s my obligation to lighten the mood around this old weblog of mine.

Oh yeah? Good news. What do you have for us?

I, like your grandparents, will attempt to bridge our conversational gap by talking about the weather.


Seriously, Chicago never ceases to amaze me. Yesterday, it was like mid June. I went for a run/jog/coughing session last night at ten at night and it was seventy something. This morning? Forties and sprinkling rain. This afternoon? Low sixties and garbage wind, which is when the spring breezes lightly massage your face with pieces of garbage and dust from the streets. And yet, I love it here.

Wow, that was great. ‘Garbage wind.’ Can I go hang out on IMDB while you do this? I’ll come back in time for the comment section.

Fine, if the weather talk is so boring, what do you have?

I’ll tell you what I have: “Police report attempt to revive flattened opossum.” BOOM.

I’ve had some drinks in my day, but never have I ever tried to resuscitate roadkill. I love this line from the article: “Troopers responding to the scene in Oliver Township on Thursday determined that Donald J. Wolfe, 55, of Brookville, was drunk, according to the police report.” Yes, I believe that could be safely assumed from the headline, but thank you.

You have to wonder, was it a drunken dare? A conservationist blitzed out of his mind? Or maybe, just maybe, a legitimate love moment between a man and the pile of fur and entrails he loves.


That was good, Bold Font. But how about this? I read this somewhere:

Plato was discoursing on his theory of ideas and, pointing to the cups on the table before him, said while there are many cups in the world, there is only one ‘idea’ of a cup, and this cupness precedes the existence of all particular cups.

“I can see the cup on the table,” interrupted Diogenes, “But I can’t see the ‘cupness.’”


No, come on. Just listen:

“That’s because you have the eyes to see the cup,” said Plato, “but,” tapping his head with his forefinger, “you don’t have the intellect with which to comprehend ‘cupness.’”

Diogenes walked up to the table, examined a cup and, looking inside, asked, “Is it empty?”

Plato nodded.

“Where is the ‘emptiness’ which precedes this empty cup?” asked Diogenes.

Plato allowed himself a few moments to collect his thoughts, but Diogenes reached over and, tapping Plato’s forehead with his finger, said, “I think you will find here is the ‘emptiness.’”

Neat, huh?

That’s it?

What? Didn’t you think that was funny?

No, you nerd.

Come on. The guy totally dissed Plato by telling him that his head was empty.

You want funny? I’ll give you funny. How about Christopher Walken reading Lady Gaga. BOOM.

Ah yes, Lady Gaga. All of the pop and flamboyancy of a Madonna but without all that spiritual kabala nonsense. Combine that with the inherently funny weirdness of one Christopher Walken and you got yourself a winner. Commence imbedding of video… now.

Good times.


Seoulcially Akward Nessie said...

Love this video. Also, you know I don't have sound at work so I always try to make a mental note to watch these things when I get home. I have been meaning to watch Tro-lo-lo man and der humpdink or whatnot, and I finally remembered to do so last night. I laughed so hard/was soooo creeped out by Tro-lo-lo man. Who does he think he is? Wouldn't you love to know wtf is going on there? Clearly he thinks he is just too cute and is having the most glorious time with himself. The spoof was definitely not as good, but still fun/ny. I think you could do a better spoof, and that you should.

Anonymous said...

I like the concept of 'Garbage wind.' Sorta feels like skin abrasion from the spa...