"Oh Internet," I begin with a note of trepidation in my voice, "I have a crush on this girl, but I don't know how to get her to love me. I know this sounds stupid, but...."
I lost my words and could not continue. I searched for some sort of answer, or at least some support, in the Internet's eyes.
The Internet sipped it's cafe au lait, then rubbed it's chin. Finally, it said to me in it's most thoughtful tone:
"Love your pecker, and make
your pecker love more and she
will love you."
Thank you, Internet. Thank you so very much.