Monday, September 27, 2010

One Man's Tragedy... the rest of the world's delicious irony.

In an excercise in shadenfreud, the owner of Segway Company died in a freak Segway accident.

The Segway, for those of you content with independent means of forward motion not involving an unnecessary machine, is basically a vehicle that walks for you.  Here's a picture:

"A trick is something a whore does for money... (pause to look at the children) or candy."

The freak accident naturally involved riding off of a cliff.

Tragic.  Tragic and hilarious in a horribly German sort of way.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Saga of the Viking Women RETURNS!!

For those who visit this blog but have never given me your email, count yourselves as blessed.  Because whenever I have a show that I really want to plug (meaning, of course, that I'm on the hook if we can't make rent), I send obnoxious emails to people begging them to see the show.  In the interest of continued obnoxiousness, I'm going to reprint the email here.  Because I would really like people to come to the show.

NEW SHOW!! The Saga of the Viking Women, etc.
From: Nat Topping
To: Poor Fools

Hello Friends, Associates, People Whose Email I Obtained By Paying a Shady Underground Service, etc:

Since you are getting an email from me, I’m sure you have already surmised that I’m about to plug something. You would be right, because guess what? Daddy has a show!

I apologize if you’ve already received all of this information through having the misfortune of being my Facebook friend. As my Facebook friend, you should have realized this was coming, though.

Robot vs Dinosaur presents: The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent (as Peformed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton under the Direction of the Great Sea Serpent)

The title itself is worth the price of admission!

Anyway, it’s a great show. We did a version of it at the Neo-Futurarium as part of their summer Film Fest and it went over so well we decided to remount it. I play the Great Sea Serpent, I wear a poncho, I sweat a lot, and I also sing.

I’ve got the press release below and a picture of me looking like a moron, attached! I’d love to see you all come out (early and often)(wait, was that some sort of innuendo?)(well, this got awkward quick).


Your slithery friend/associate/random haranguer,

-Nat Topping


(Check out my blog:

Viking Vixens Search for Missing Warriors

Robot vs. Dinosaur’s mash-up of deliciously terrible B-movie and “Marat/Sade” takes audiences on hilarious voyage

CHICAGO, IL (September 14, 2010) ... You could call it a metatheatrical feast of love, lust, betrayal, loyalty, and the struggle of all human beings to overcome the suffering of being alive, or like the poster says, “A hilarious play based on a bad movie, with songs and scantily clad ladies, performed by lunatics.” It’s Robot vs. Dinosaur’s The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent (as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton under the Direction of the Great Sea Serpent). The show runs Fridays and Saturdays, September 24 - October 23 at 10:30 pm at Stage 773.

This comedic play reanimates Roger Corman’s 1957 babesploitation fantasy about Viking women in search of their men and mashes it together with the famous 1963 Peter Weiss play best known as Marat/Sade.

The production first appeared as part of this summer’s Neo-Futurists Film Festival, which typically features staged readings of deliciously bad movies. But this go-round at Stage 773 features even more madness than before. Joe Janes, director of the show and head honcho of Robot vs. Dinosaur added, “The great part of the new show is that we’re no longer beholden to the original film script, which is quite horrible and filled with long stretches of just people walking. We also added original music and material because the Great Sea Serpent demanded we beef up his part. He’s quite a diva.”

The Saga of the Viking Women… will challenge all of your preconceived notions of both asylum inmates and buxom berserkers. Catch it Fridays and Saturdays, September 24 - October 23 at 10:30 pm. Stage 773 is at 1225 W. Belmont (the former Theatre Building Chicago).Tickets $15. Call 773-327-5252 or

More about Robot vs. Dinosaur: Robot vs. Dinosaur is a writer-centric group with a great deal of experience in the Chicago sketch comedy and improv scene. Their goal is to write and perform original comic material that is eclectic, dynamically staged and fun for audiences. Assembled by Joe Janes, the comic mind behind the 365 Sketches Project, Robot vs. Dinosaur consists of fellow writers Geoff Crump, Susie Gutowski, Rebecca Levine, Chris Othic, Nat Topping and Greg Wendling. More information can be found at

Monday, September 20, 2010

Monologue on the Similarities Between a New Orchestra Conductor and a Rockstar

That new conductor is a Rockstar.

You heard me. The new Symphony Orchestra conductor is like a mother-effin’ rockstar.

Holy eff.

Did you see the way he handled that baton? He was wailing on that thing like it was a Flying V and he was lighting shiz on fire in front of a million people screaming their effin’ lungs out.

And all that business he pulled out with the viola section? Coaxing that sweet racket out of some mother-effin woodwinds? Eff me, brotha, I ain’t seen a conductor handle woodwinds like that since Metallic pre-suck.

That was rock and roll.

I haven't seen someone rock the classics since LZ was making the classics.  LZ=Led Zepplin.  I'll bet Maestro has that tatood on his effin' chest.

And did you see the way that effer was waving his arms and shiz around? Just getting his rocks on with the music? I haven’t seen an emeffer lose their mind like that since Ozzy in ’81. Except this dude bit the head off of Tchaikovsky and not, you know, a dove. But damned if it wasn’t the same feel; I nearly lost my shiz right there.

Seriously, I was that close to starting up the mosh pit.

And then, when he finished up with that Respighi? Holy eff, it melted my face off. Like literally my face was in a puddle on the floor the Symphony Hall and my mind was too blown for me to pick it up.

What a effin rock star.  E-F-N-P-I-M-P.

Effin A.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Pastor Terry Jones: You Suck

Coming out of blog hibernation (sorry y'all) for the express purpose of saying that Pastor Terry Jones is a moron.

Who is pastor Terry Jones?  He's the dipshit behind a Florida church's plans to burn a bunch of copies of the Quran (Islam's bible) to get publicity stroke his own ego "protest the September 11th, 2001 attacks."

Ironically, that Church is called "Dove World Outreach Center."  I believe after September 11th happened, that Irony was officially dead.  This creates a whole new level of Irony that frankly I'm not capable of completely comprehending right now.

So, basically the guy is planning on performing an act reminiscent of good old 1930's style fascism (good one, churchie!) and insulting a large segment of the world population (as well as a good chunk of our own), the vast majority of which are basically peaceful people just trying to get by in life, also by the way putting our troops in harms way overseas who are actually combating violent extremists, so that they can what?  What good is coming out of this again?

I argue that burning the holy book of a largely peaceful religion to piss off a small subsection of their membership (extremist terrorist types) is stupid and pointless and potentially dangerous.

Hypothetical jerkwad counters that Muslim extremists burn American flags and stuff all the time.

I counter that with THAT MAKES YOU NO BETTER THAN THE DIPSHIT CRAZIES THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO PISS OFF.  And also?  What you're doing is almost the exact opposite of the Christian forgiveness and tolerance that you purport to teach.  Also?  Fuck you.

THIS IS AMERICA, PEOPLE.  We're supposed to be better than this.  We're supposed to be better than telling a peaceful religious organization that it's in poor taste for them to open what amounts to a youth center too close to the World Trade Center.  We're supposed to be better than Nazi rally style book burnings.  We're supposed to be able to tell the difference between lunatics and normal people.

So Terry Jones: you suck.  You guys can go fuck yourselves for your attention grabbing whorish anti-American, anti-Christian hypocritical ways.