Thursday, November 18, 2010

Slow Down! There's Thanksgiving First!

Around this time of year, I am easily mistaken for a Grinch.

I can’t help it. I see the slow, methodical march of the Christmas decorations earlier and earlier into the year and I feel honor bound to say something. Usually, something whiny and crotchety and I probably just come off as some jerk who doesn’t like fun.

This may be true. I have a valid reason, though.

I know that people love Christmas and that Christmas is such a shiny, happy commercial success that the opportunity to begin festivities earlier and earlier can be extremely enticing. But there are holidays that come before Christmas, and I don’t want them glossed over just because some jag wants to sell you more wreaths, red bunting and plastic lawn reindeer.

I’m most concerned about one holiday in particular: Thanksgiving.

People, Thanksgiving is great. It is, perhaps, the purest holiday of all holidays. You need only do two things: eat food, and watch football. That’s it. Actually, someone also has to make the food. Three things. And for this, we are rewarded with a four day weekend every year.

There’s no buying of gifts, or running from house to house trying to see everybody you’ve ever known, or singing or going to church/mass/whatever floats your boat.

No. You go home to your family or you go find some people you like, you watch some football, and then you eat. You then have three more days off to contemplate Christmas or do whatever you like.

So dagnabbit, let’s not rush this, okay?

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


Some breaking news regarding Russia and their spy capabilities.  It now appears that they are able to see through time, as evidenced by this picture of Vladimir Putin:

Putin is now capable of seeing into both the future and the past, which allows him the ability to glare at anyone who has ever lived.  And, he looks incredibly stylish (in an early 90's sort of way) while doing it.

If your ancestors have ever had a dream where they saw the icy cold blue of a madman's eyes, it is because of this.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Get You're Education Hear, H'yaw

Linky link to some general spelling and grammar guidelines.  I know: the first thing you think of when you think 'grammar' is "ENTERTAINMENT!!" but I promise it's funny.  Check it out, h'yaw.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


The sensation of cold on one's grundle or gooch, often caused by the application of said grundle to a cold object, e.g. a bicycle seat or a bag of frozen peas.

Origin: Nat Topping

Use it in a sentence: "After riding back from work last night, I noticed I have a wicked case of freeze-taint.

Monday, November 1, 2010

An Excellent Use of Time

If you like evidence of creativity among the unwashed masses (I have not showered today, nor do I intend to) I suggest taking a gander at the 55 Funniest Signs From the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear.

My personal favorite is the first one up there:

I'm not sure which is worse, the Arabic or actual McDonalds.