Charlie Sheen: Now Made From 100% Bat-Shit Crazy

Charlie Sheen is a poet.

An insane, coke-loving, prostitute-incarcerating, mouth-foaming poet.  But a poet nonetheless.

Behold:

"What does this say about Haim Levine [Chuck Lorre] after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me. I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows ... I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can't handle my power and can't handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.

Remember these are my people ... not yours...we will continue on together..."

Oh that I were an animator.  I would create Charlie Sheen's Octagon, a futuristic gladiator ring with a floor made platforms floating in molten lava.  Inside of the Octogon, Charlie Sheen would do battle with various mythical foes and defeat them using the power of his awesome fire breathing fists. 

Then he would fly away on the wings of a bat made of its own shit towards the setting sun.

Fly on, Charlie Sheen, you crazy bastard.