End of the World is Nigh! Where's My Double Down?!

Holy hell, the world is ending on Saturday!

Nothing says 'Family Radio' like Judgement Day!

Yeah, I know that people have been saying this literally for thousands and thousands of years now.  But this time, it’s for serious. In this instance, a guy on the Internet is using ‘rather sophisticated mathematical equations that are tied to one date… the date of the flood from Noah’s Ark.’

And we all know precisely what date that was. It’s such common knowledge that I don’t even feel the need to mention it to you right now.

Except, I was hoping that the world wouldn’t end at least until 2012 - the year mentioned by the Mayans, who inexplicably ran out of space to write more calendar entries on a finite piece of stone - so now I have a problem: I have so much stuff I wanted to do before the end of the world that I don’t know how I’m ever going to get it all done. Here’s a partial list:

Winning a Nobel Peace Prize
Overseeing the destruction of all my enemies
Performing my One Man Show entitled “Nat Topping: UnBearded”
Swimming in a pool filled with gold coins
Dressing as a pirate at Gasparilla 2012 (Y'arr)
Eating a KFC Double Down without vomiting literally everything I’ve ever ate in my entire life
Overseeing the destruction and humiliation of all my enemies
Visiting Denmark
Engaging in a ‘Mexican Halloween’
Climbing the mountain next to Mt Everest
Filling a sock full of frosting and then rubbing the sock all over my chest while running up and down Michigan Ave*
Living long enough to see the Robo-Cop Statue debut in Detroit
Overseeing the destruction and humiliation of all my enemies and their next of kin
Making a pineapple upside-down cake.

I have a day and a half. Possibly two, provided the world ends Saturday afternoon and not first thing Saturday morning. Who’s got some free time?!

*Hey, it’s my dream list.  Don't judge me.