Thursday, June 2, 2011

Twitter: 100% "Nat Topping's Junk" Free

Given the recent media storm currently bearing down on Rep. Anthony Weiner for what may or may not have been a picture of his man-junk, which may or may not have been posted on Twitter by the Representative himself depending on who you ask and which phony-baloney news stations you frequent, I thought I would take a moment to clear the air.

Like Rep. Anthony Weiner, I am also a Twitter user.  Also like Rep. Anthony Weiner, I have man-junk.

But I would like to give you my word: my Twitter account is a Nat's-penis-free zone.

Go ahead: follow NatTopping and you will find 140 character complaints about the weather, bus service, 'those damn kids' and other observations that are best made by a 75 year old man. What you will not find, my friends, are digital pictures, lithographs, wood-block representations or any other depiction of my penis - covered with fabric or au naturale.

If you do find something on the twitter claiming to be my penis, know that it likely is not.  But that, if it is, I most certainly will recognize it.

For those of you disappointed by this (I'm sure hundreds of thousands are you are gnashing your teeth), here is a list of places where you can find depictions of my penis:

  • The Harold Washington library
  • My shower
  • The Lincoln Park Zoo
  • In the courtyard next to the Starbucks at Sheffield and Diversey
  • Facebook
  • Next to The Bean
  • Your rear view mirror
  • In an airplane flying above rural Iowa
  • The Detroit Symphony Orchestra, back row balcony on the left aisle
  • The Double Tree in Denver, CO
  • Wherever you like, provided you give me enough advanced notice and are available by email, text message or fax
  • Hot Doug's.  I love that place.  But it tries to get there early because the lines get a little hectic.
If I'm missing anywhere, please let me know in the comment section so that I can be sure to notify everyone.

And you thought new look = more professional, huh?  Silly you.


Mike Bauman said...

I sure would like to see your member, throbbing or not.

Chris Othic said...

I have a tattoo of your penis on my lower back.

Unknown said...

Mike: next time I'm in LA, I'll disappoint you with that.

Chris: I know; I put it there.