Like Rep. Anthony Weiner, I am also a Twitter user. Also like Rep. Anthony Weiner, I have man-junk.
But I would like to give you my word: my Twitter account is a Nat's-penis-free zone.
Go ahead: follow NatTopping and you will find 140 character complaints about the weather, bus service, 'those damn kids' and other observations that are best made by a 75 year old man. What you will not find, my friends, are digital pictures, lithographs, wood-block representations or any other depiction of my penis - covered with fabric or au naturale.
If you do find something on the twitter claiming to be my penis, know that it likely is not. But that, if it is, I most certainly will recognize it.
For those of you disappointed by this (I'm sure hundreds of thousands are you are gnashing your teeth), here is a list of places where you can find depictions of my penis:
- The Harold Washington library
- My shower
- The Lincoln Park Zoo
- In the courtyard next to the Starbucks at Sheffield and Diversey
- Next to The Bean
- Your rear view mirror
- In an airplane flying above rural Iowa
- The Detroit Symphony Orchestra, back row balcony on the left aisle
- The Double Tree in Denver, CO
- Wherever you like, provided you give me enough advanced notice and are available by email, text message or fax
- Hot Doug's. I love that place. But it tries to get there early because the lines get a little hectic.
And you thought new look = more professional, huh? Silly you.