Thursday, June 16, 2011

Vancouver: What the Hell?

If stereotypes are to be believed – and generally speaking they should be until such time as they shouldn’t – Americans are a loud, independent-minded, obnoxious and selfish people. The Irish are drunkards, the Scottish are cheap, the English are effeminate and the French smoke a lot and get kicked around on the battlefield.

But Canadians?

Words like ‘Polite,’ ‘Diplomatic,’ ‘Peaceful,’ and ‘Good People’ come to mind. Until such time as they’re not.
How many do you think we could fit in the penalty box?

So when the rest of the world woke up this morning and began surfing the web instead of actually doing their jobs (cough), they were shocked to find that a riot broke out last night in Vancouver. Most of the world forgot about Playoff Sports after the Big Three of Miami were summarily destroyed by a team from Texas – and of course by a certain SPORTS CURSE, MWAHAHAAA!!! But no, a game 7 was played last night in a little sport called Hockey.
And when the Bruins, one of many loathsome sports franchises from Boston, beat the Vancouver Canucks by a score of 4 to nothing, everything went to hell and suddenly your local, friendly neighborhood Canadian was flipping over a police car, looting and setting shit on fire.

The crazy thing is this isn’t the first time either. In 1994, Vancouver rioted when they lost to the New York Rangers.
In 1886 Vancouver rioted when they lost to a team called ‘The Chinese.’
Vancouver: the East Lansing of Canada (ZING)?

Why so much ANGAR? Yes, Hockey is the national sport of Canada (along with Lacrosse, but who plays Lacrosse other than privileged preppy brahs from private schools?), and yes it sucks to lose to Boston in anything, but holy hell Vancouver, it’s just a game. This is not Egypt, or Tunisia, or Syria. This is the Pacific Northwest, the land of seafood, coffee and chilling out with nature. I mean, you just hosted the Olympics. What the hell?

And this is coming from a guy who goes into a pouty funk anytime certain teams from a certain city (also known for rioting) lose a game, to Boston or to anyone else for that matter.


Anonymous said...

Can you believe this? Not so civilized now...

Unknown said...

Truly, Hockey does strange things to people.