Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Forever Marilyn: Like Transformers, but Sexier

Well, I don’t know what you Chicagoans have done while I was away, but I returned to my fair city only to find it in the grips of a dreaded heat wave, choking its way through the thickly humid air. And now, we have Marilyn Monroe’s gigantic panties to deal with.

Oh, what? You haven’t heard about this?

Yeah apparently there’s a ludicrously gigantic statue of Marilyn Monroe holding down her skirt on the Magnificent Mile. The sculpture, the product of descendant of the Johnsons of Johnson & Johnson fame and (apparently) artist J. Seward Johnson, reproduces the iconic moment from ‘The Seven Year Itch’ which has titillated old men for many decades now. Here is a picture of the iconic moment:

And now, contrast it with this 70 foot tall monstrosity.

Look how far out the skirt goes in the back:

There's no denying it: this sculpture is about seeing and having your picture taken with panties. Gigantic plaster replica panties.

I can't believe she's been outside this whole time.  I'm worried for her.  It's been so humid out, I hope she doesn't end up with a SEVEN YEAR ITCH.


SEVEN YEAR ITCH, ladies and gentlemen.


Anyway, leave it to a man named Johnson to take an incredibly sexy moment from classic cinema and make it absolutely terrifying. I mean, who could ever hope to satisfy gigantic Marilyn Monroe? Perhaps a cross between Kennedy and the Jolly Green Giant? Gargantuan Transformer Arthur Miller?

But now that I know it’s there, I have to see it. I mean I just do. Why? Because once I actually had this very same nightmare. I was a 70 foot tall Marilyn Monroe, except with my face, and my skirt kept blowing up and every time a gust of wind would blow another Japanese tour group would come by, snapping photos and nodding their heads.

I eventually sold my gigantic pair of panties to one of them for 8000 Yen.  Arigato, perv.

Links to: Kuriositas for pictures of Forever Marilyn (flickr users credited through Kuriositas),, and, of course, wikipedia.


katie said...

you're right, nat. if only u of m would loan their giant arthur miller transformer all would be well. what did he transform into by the way?

Unknown said...

Hopefully not the car from the Ride Down Mount Morgan.

Katie said...

hahahahaha. oh wait. sad. hopefully not Willy's car from Death of A Salesman either.