Friday, November 11, 2011

Friday: We Celebrate Veterans Day... wasting time on the Internet.  Just like all other holidays.  And all other days in general.  Generals are in the military.  The military is where veterans serve.  We've come full circle.

You're welcome.

Underappreciated Holiday Today:

Happy Friday and Happy Veterans Day to all of you people who are veterans or know somebody serving in the military. Normally, this is where something dumb or jokey or sarcastic would go, but I’m just going to skip it today and just say thanks.

But now that we’re on a different paragraph, let’s take our quick Friday Jaunt Around The Internet. I hereby dub the following…

“Exercises in Uselessness”

Yes It’s Tiny, But It Gets Great Mileage

That’s what… she… nope, I stopped it. I stopped the joke.

Scientists are capable of some great things: space exploration, smart phone wizardry, the creation of gravity (how did things stay down on the ground before Newton?!). Sometimes, though, they do things like create the tiniest car ever using nanotechnology, and you’re left wondering what the point was of that. Unless, as I’ve suspected for a while, science is simply trying to create a real life TRON. Which I’m pretty sure is almost completely fact.

The molecular car will make it a lot easier to take trips to the nano-supermarket, as well as for subatomic nuclear families to bond by taking road trips to the other side of the needle head.

Does This Bunting Make Me Look Fat?

Yeah, probably. It's either the bunting, or you're just fat.  What?  Did I say something?

Ladies and gentlemen, there’s a big problem in this country, and that problem is the Christmas tree. Specifically the public image thereof, at least according to a new Federal government mandate that’s imposing a 15-cent Christmas tree fee on the sale of fresh cut trees.  The mandate is meant to help “enhance the image of Christmas trees and the Christmas tree industry in the United States.”

This article treats it like a Christmas tree tax imposed specifically by Obama because he hates America.  It’s not really a tax though, just a fee that Christmas tree sellers are paying specifically to promote Christmas tree sales. Whatever. Of course, the flip side of the coin is, does the Christmas tree really need an image makeover?

I didn’t think so initially, but then I went and visited my local neighborhood Christmas tree and, well…

Oh no tennenbaum!
Things aren’t going so well I guess. I mean, I can understand the heroin and the moonshine, but cigarettes, Mr Tree? Cigarettes?!
Behold: Our New Numberical Overlord!

And yea, on the eleventh day of the eleventh month of the eleventh year, a child turned eleven. Naturally, I hereby pledge my undying allegiance to our new overlord. All hail John Biscaro, master of numerology and amateur flautist. Submit or be destroyed.

Had enough?  Good.  Go enjoy your weekend!

1 comment:

katie said...

hahaha is that tree strictly available to city residents only? because i want one exactly like it. "oh no, tannenbaum!" hahaha