Friday, December 2, 2011

Friday: Prepares to Get Christmassed…

…meaning of course to drink a ton in front of coworkers, likely make an ass out of myself, possible get in a fight, and then spend the rest of the weekend aching and smelling like death.

You know. Like baby Jesus would have wanted.

Now that Thanksgiving is out of the way, it’s time to get into the Christmas spirit. Sure, it would be easy to get jaded about the rampant commercialism and the fact that December 24th is just an arbitrarily assigned date, that Jesus was likely born in November, that we’ll probably be forced to see a bunch of people we don’t like, that we’re expected to get the perfect gift, that the quest for the perfect gift will likely end in disappointment, that it will all end in a pile of discarded wrapping paper and stuff that will all eventually fall apart anyway, but… what was I saying?

Oh yeah! Fahoo fores: it’s Christmas, y’all!
It's okay.  In this instance, fear should be your natural reaction.

Don’t worry. The closer we get to the date and the further we get from Thanksgiving, the less bitter I become and the more likely I am to be in the Spirit. Hopefully, the Spirits at the company Holiday Party will help me get there a little quicker.

Now that we’re done with that, let’s take another quick Friday Jaunt Around The Internet, which I hereby dub:

Help Doing Everyday Things… Righteously


You know, from the first moment I heard about Siri I knew there was gonna be trouble. I mean, the last thing I need is the device I carry around in my pocket telling me what to think. I already have one of those.*

Well now apparently Apple has taken it upon itself to pass judgment on young women and the various mistakes they may or may not have made involving Chad at the office function the other night. Probably wasn’t the best idea ever, but now here’s Siri telling us all we should go see an anti-abortion counselor instead of a Planned Parenthood clinic? I mean, Siri, have you met Chad? Do you have any idea how much of a mistake it would be to carry that kid to term?


I jest, of course, but there are legitimate questions here: Should we let a program pass judgment on a user’s life choices? Should we be relying on a stupid program in the first place to answer simple questions for us? Can’t we use the phone book? Or Google? Do we really need to dumb everything down so much that we need something to ‘help (us) do the things (we) do everyday?” Can’t we just do them, like back before we had smart phones? Are we all so sensitive and dumb that we actually make a big feckin’ deal out of this? Seriously?

I believe we have the answers to those questions.


Interesting post at Huffington on, like, actually spending time in the city you’re supposed to be from.

I’ve actually found this sentiment in Chicago, too, though it’s certainly more prevalent in Detroit, which is this: the city is to be avoided at all costs. In Chicago, you are allowed to take the Metra down for a Cubs game, some culture, and maybe the occasional restaurant. Otherwise, why bother? There’s just as many Giordano’s in the suburbs as there are in the city!

I don’t know if it’s our obsession with safety or what – we do, after all, practically beg people to grope us now before entering an airport, even though one day we’re still all going to die, but whatever I digress – but ‘the city’ still has a pretty bad rep. That goes double, possibly triple, for the D.

I was driving home about two weeks ago with a friend of mine to the Mitt to go see what turned out to be a glorious football game. It was about midnight and as we were passing Ann Arbor he asked if we could go downtown and have a look at it. Detroit has this reputation for being a wasteland of urban decay and coney dogs (which I love anyway), and he wanted to witness it first hand, so we drove our asses down Woodward at one in the morning and surprisingly were not shot. In fact, there were even people out at the bars. There were lights on. There were structures in Campus Martius that were not shacks for vagrants but rather appeared as though they were meant to be there.

There’s actual stuff down there! Detroit: you want righteous? St. Andrew’s Hall, Electric 6 are playing the Friday before crissimass. Be there.


This is the article from whence the creepy cult-like lead photo originated. It’s a wholly unremarkable post about how to handle yourself at an office party (AMATEURS I SAY!), and under normal circumstances I would ignore this completely except I find the use of Debbie from Accounting as the paragon of poor office behavior and sluttery to be quite funny. Obviously, the writer has never met the accountants here.


Next Wednesday, 8:00 PM at the Underground Lounge, Geoff and I will be doing our thang as Crassus with the folks at Old West Family Photo. Address: 925 W Newport, at Clark. We will be performing ‘Bag of dicks,’ for which I am very excited.

Also, SKETCHFEST! Robot vs Dinosaur makes their glorious and long awaited (by me, at least) return to the stage on January 7th at 7:00. More pluggery to follow, I’m sure.

I’m also working on putting together some fun for next year too: a full RvD show, a full Crassus show, some Reality Fairy goodness, and possibly another special project.

Aright, I’m off to buy a ludicrously large bottle of Gatorade and some comically gigantic pain killers. I have plans, people, and they involve hangovers.

*This is a not-so-veiled reference to my penis.

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